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Of course, saying “I love you” in a relationship is an individual decision based on many factors, but timing, gender, and relationship goals might influence how one’s partner reacts.PART 6: Growing in Intimacy » In matters of dating or courtship, I generally recommend that people either get married or break up within a year or so of beginning a dating relationship.In another few studies, these same researchers examined whether men and women have better reactions to statements of love before or after having sex in the relationship.Men rated more happiness and felt more positive emotion if they received confessions of love before having sex.For relationships in which sex had already occurred, both men and women thought the appropriate time to declare love was between 3 and 6 months.If participants were imagining a scenario where sex had not occurred, men but not women were more likely to think it was appropriate to declare love earlier – about a month into the relationship.When looking at actual relationships, however, men were more likely to profess their feelings first!

This is exactly the level of intimacy that is reserved for marriage only and that dating couples should make every effort to restrain until the appropriate time.

In a recent study, 64% of participants were likely to think women were the first to say they were in love, and these professions were estimated to occur close to 2 months into a relationship (Ackerman, Griskevicius, & Li, 2011).

The stereotype is that women are more interested in relationships, especially serious relationships, and are therefore more likely to confess their feelings sooner than men.

One of our bedrock governing principles in biblical dating — and in how we treat our brothers and sisters in Christ generally — is not to “defraud” our single brothers and sisters by implying a greater level of commitment between us and them than actually exists (see 1 Thessalonians 4:6).

I discuss this principle more fully in “Principles for Drawing Boundaries” and “What Does a Biblical Relationship Look Like?