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They wanted to know, number 1, how do I get more confident, number 2, conversation, how do I talk to women. It’s very hard to feel confident if you don’t understand what women really want and if you know you haven’t cultivated the traits that they really want because then, you get this impostor syndrome where you feel like, “Okay, maybe I can talk a good line.Maybe I’ve got a good approach,” but it feels like a house of cards.We talk about what you should look for in a woman depending on your relationship goals. You’re a evolutionary psychologist that’s written several books published in leading journals but you ended up partnering with Tucker Max on this book.We talk about how even the place you live can affect your dating chances and some things you can do to change that. I’m sure a lot of our listeners know him for his I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. Geoffrey Miller: Granted it sounds like a bizarre match at first glance but actually, Tucker’s a really bright guy, knows a lot of the science already.Also, parents feel like they just don’t understand the current mating situation.
I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that anything to do with sex and dating and mating and marriage is very politically controversial. A public high school can’t really teach a course on how to do dating and mating effectively because it would be seen as biased or partisan or inappropriate.It’s not that hard but it’s something a lot of guys neglect to do.Brett Mc Kay: You talked about what women find attractive, what your second chapter is about.They did have these ritualized settings and events that tried to teach young men what they needed to know. Let’s get into some of the meat of your book about research-backed tips at what men can do to improve their dating life, their love life. I thought it was really interesting because a lot of success in dating is based on confidence because you say a lot of success in life is based on confidence. Is it something that if you get confident in one area of your life, it carries over to dating or is confidence domain specific? There’s a few life hacks you can use to boost your confidence temporarily in a particular domain but in the mate book, we’re really about what are the sustainable long term ways that you can increase your confidence particularly around women.Geoffrey Miller: We put a chapter on confidence right at the beginning of the book because it was the number 1 question that guys called in with to the podcast. Basically, that means you have to go out and have experience and interactions and build up the traits that you know will be attractive to women.